Long story short. My ego is not doing such a great job in balancing the needs of my id and superego. This is definitely not the first time, but at this point, the cat fight's going overboard. I'm torn between the training, and my wishful thinking that I've had since I was a child. All these leads to non-other than my dilemma on which path I should really be taking.
Given the current environment, the level of stress increases. The work, the people, the expectations are all part of this. And I really wonder if I'm making enough right decisions. Am I doing enough to obtain, what's considered a fulfilling life? Shall I shut up. Be an introvert. Be the next beauty queen (not like I have the features). Be the role model of an obedient person et cetera. Seems like nobody really gives a d*mn should I ever become a extreme opposite of the existing me. As a matter of fact, I'm changing every second, while writing this post. So what? No one ever does notice.
Or maybe it's simply an issue of perseverance. Should I manage to maintain that mentality for a little longer, people might start to wonder, or maybe not. In any case, it's apparent that a certain degree of change is expected of me. And that pains me. It's also crystal clear that a stagnant Man Ee is no longer permissible. And I despise that.
As it is, I predict the first change being my ability to trust, taken away from me.
Disheartened
1 comment:
r u ok???
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